55 Things Dean Winchester Is NOT Allowed To Do
by wicked18writer
Summary: The title is self-explanatory, wacky fun ensues I assure you.


55 Things Dean Winchester Is NOT Allowed To Do

Summary: Title self explanatory, random silliness.

Rating: T

Author: wicked18writer

Spoilers: Set Pre-Series While in High School

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1 Get his nipple pierced….

2 …And then let it get infected…

3 …And then yell at Sam for letting him get the piercing in the first place

4 Microwave Peeps

5 Spread rumors that the reason why Sam doesn't have a girlfriend is because he is gay…

6 …. And that he has a crush on George Michael…

7 …Or Bob Barker

8 Attempt to kill a ghost with a squeegee

9 Call Dad while he's on the road and tell him that he's going to be a grandpa

10 Steal all of Sam's underwear then show up to school wearing his favorite pair on the outside of his jeans

11 Have sex with random girls in bathroom stalls….

12 …. Especially the handicapped ones

13 Paint Sam's nails bright pink in the middle of the night…

14 … And then say it was Dad's idea

15 Try to exchange goods and or services for sexual favors with teachers…

16 … Or cops…

17 …. Or judges….

18 …. Or lawyers…

19 …. Or bankers

20 Try to start a 'good looking people only' nudist colony

21 Steal small yappy dogs only to shave them and then try to sell them back to their owners

22 Hint that Sam is gay

23 Hint that Sam suffers from sexual repression

24 Run through the hallways screaming "My brother Sam Winchester is a sexually repressed homosexual"

25 Sing 'Barbie Girl' whenever Sam walks in the room…

26 …Or anything by Madonna…

27 …Or Cher…

28 …Or Elton John

29 Sit down with Sam at lunch only to burst into tears and run from the room crying after shouting "I accept that your gay, why can't you? Stop living in the closet Sammy"

30 Liberate his unmentionables from the constricting force that is his pants…

31 …Especially during class…

32…And not when Sam is in the room with him

33 Call Bobby 'Gramps'…

34 …After Bobby tells him to turn down that 'racket'

35 Tell freshman girls that he's related to Tom Cruise…

36 …Or Bill Clinton…

37 …Or Bill O'Reilly

38 Write and illustrate children's books (for example: 'Daddy Left Because You Suck At Killing Ghosts'; 'Why Mommy Yells When You Play The Name Game With Your Friend Chuck'; 'When Babar the Elephant Meets Larry the Ivory Poacher'; '10 Reasons Why the Monster in Your Closet Will Kill You Before You Have to Worry About Cholesterol')

39 Lick food Sam's about to eat

40 Tell people at school he is batman…

41 …While wearing a cape

42 Tell girl ghosts they look fat…

43 Tell boy ghosts they should 'hit that'…

44 Tell ghosts the he is the ghostsucker and then run after them with a vacuum

45 Replace all of Sam's CDs with condoms

46 Cut into the pages of Sam's textbooks…

47 …And hide lube in them…

48 …And then make Sam drop his books in front of the girl he likes

49 Talk in the third person

50 Wear leather pants

51 Throw up in Sam's backpack because it's closer than the trash can

52 Change Dad's voicemail to 'Hi, this is the Winchester Investigator. I'm off helping the hopeless or negotiating a peace treaty with the leader of the squirrel army, so leave a message and my gay son Sam or my older son Batman will get back to you"

53 Make out with the yellowed demon…

54 …Even if he's possessing Britney Spears…

55…Or Florence Henderson

Dean finished reading the list, his mouth agape. "Dude there's no freaking way I cannot tell people I'm Batman!" Sam rolled his eyes.

"What about the rest?" Sam watched Dean stick is tongue out and to the side of his mouth.

"Nope." Then Dean crumpled up the list Sam had spent two hours making and threw it in his little brother's face.

As Dean walked out of room into the kitchen he called out, "Hey Dad, guess what, Sammy just made a pass at me! I think our little guy is finally ready to come out of the closet. High five!"

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A/N: Inspired by but not stolen from the indifferent child of earth's **51 Things Emmett Cullen Is Not Allowed To Do. **Which I highly recommend.


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